Tell Your Spouse, “I Don’t Need You”

Wes  —  May 29, 2013
  • Sumo

It sounds romantic to say, or to hear, “I need you.” We all want to be needed, don’t we? But, have you ever stopped to realize that needing your spouse might be harming your marriage and your relationship with God?

Wedding

After all, what exactly do we mean when we tell our spouse, “I need you.” Are we saying we literally couldn’t live without them? Are we saying we couldn’t live happily without them? Whatever we mean, we are saying (whether we realize it or not), our relationship with God is not enough; we need someone else or something else.

And what happens when our spouse isn’t fulfilling our needs anymore? What happens if our spouse dies? What happens when our spouse has a bad day? What happens if our spouse is rude or unloving? What happens when our spouse is sick? Are we doomed to be miserable because our spouse cannot (or will not) fulfill our needs?

What a huge burden to place on an imperfect human being! Your spouse, no matter how wonderful, will not be able to meet all of your needs all of the time – ONLY God can do that. When you expect your spouse to be the one who meets your needs you will inevitably be disappointed.

Many spouses say, “Well, you’re not meeting my needs so I’m not going to be the spouse I’m supposed to be.” Or worse than that, many say, “You’re not meeting my needs so I’m going to leave you and find someone who will!” We are looking to have our needs met in all the wrong places!

Here is a powerful truth with which we all need to come to grips: The only one you really need is God. It will change your life and your marriage if you can truly accept that.

When you learn that a relationship with a perfect God is enough and you need nothing else, you can say to your spouse, “Because God meets my every need…

…I don’t need you to be loving in order for me to love you.”

…I don’t need you to be in a good mood in order for me to be joyful.”

…I don’t need you to make better financial decisions in order for me to have peace.”

…I don’t need you to do things my way in order for me to have patience.”

…I don’t need you to be kind to me in order for me to show kindness to you.”

…I don’t need you to serve me in order for me to show goodness to you.”

…I don’t need you to fulfill all my sexual desires in order for me to be faithful to you.”

…I don’t need you to be gentle in order for me to show you gentleness.”

…I don’t need you to be the spouse you’re supposed to be in order for me to be self-controlled.”

When you’re able to allow God to meet your needs, you release your spouse from that burden. Only then can you say, “I want you to do this, but I don’t need you to do this. I will still love you, be patient, gentle, and kind with you no matter what you do.”

So, while it may not sound romantic, maybe the best thing you could say to your spouse is, “I don’t need you…but I want you.”

I love you and God loves you,

Wes McAdams